I had a great Father’s Day yesterday. I truly enjoy being the dad to my three sons. They are a pretty tough, self-sufficient crew of boys. Much of that comes from the influence of their mother.
Someone asked my oldest son one time how he became emotionally strong and confident. He replied that he was raised by the toughest, most emotionally stable man he had ever known.
That would be his mom.
Rebecca is a beacon of stability in our home. I am far more emotional than she is. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but she might disagree!
We are all wired differently. God made us with different personalities, temperaments, strengths, and weaknesses. But even if you are a more emotional person, there are some emotions that are inherently destructive to joy and fulfillment in life.
One of those is self-pity.
We’ve been studying 1 Samuel on Sunday mornings at Siloam for the past few months, and self-pity is almost the weekly theme of King Saul’s life. Despite being king and despite receiving tremendous blessings from God, Saul continually feels sorry for himself. He becomes jealous of others, suspicious of everyone around him, and convinced that the whole world is against him. Self-pity blinds him to the blessings he has because he is consumed with the things he does not have.
In my Bible reading this morning, I came to Acts 14. The Jews from Antioch and Iconium came to the city of Lystra and stirred up the crowds against Paul. They stoned him. That means they threw rocks at his body until he stopped moving and appeared to be dead. It is hard to imagine a more violent public assault.
Acts tells us they dragged him outside the city and left him for dead. Then something remarkable happens:
“But as the believers gathered around him, he got up and went back into the town.”
Acts 14:20 (NLT)
There is no extended discussion of the injustice. Nothing about his rights as a Roman citizen being violated. Nothing about the bruises, cuts, swelling, or pain. Nothing about how unfair life was.
Paul simply faced the reality that life on this side of heaven is often hard and often unfair.
And then he kept going.
Now that is much easier to write while sitting in a comfortable chair with a cup of coffee, a healthy family, and a pretty good day in front of me. It is far harder to live when you are facing cancer, grief, betrayal, financial hardship, chronic pain, depression, or disappointment.
So I don’t want to sound unkind toward the very real suffering that many people I love are experiencing this morning.
The Bible never minimizes suffering. Jesus certainly didn’t. Paul certainly didn’t. The issue is not whether suffering is real. The issue is whether suffering becomes the defining lens through which we view everything else.
Self-pity asks:
“Why me?”
Faith asks:
“Lord, what now?”
To reject self-pity, first refuse to make yourself the center of every story. Paul could have made Acts 14 all about himself. Instead, he stayed focused on the mission God had given him.
“For to me, living means living for Christ.”
Philippians 1:21 (NLT)
Second, remember that hardship is normal. One of the great lies we tell ourselves is, “This shouldn’t be happening.” But Jesus said:
“Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.”
John 16:33 (NLT)
The Christian life is not the absence of hardship but faithfulness through it.
Third, focus on what remains rather than only what was lost. Self-pity counts losses. Gratitude counts gifts.
“Give thanks in all circumstances.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)
Fourth, serve someone else. Self-pity turns us inward. Love turns us outward. One of the quickest ways to shrink misery is to intentionally encourage or help someone else.
“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Philippians 2:4 (NLT)
Finally, remember that God is still writing the story. Lystra looked like the end of Paul’s ministry. It wasn’t even close.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God.”
Romans 8:28 (NLT)
And Jesus gives us the ultimate example. He wept. He suffered. He was betrayed. He was falsely accused. He endured the cross. Yet He never gave Himself over to self-pity.
Hebrews says:
“Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross.” Hebrews 12:2 (NLT)
Jesus acknowledged the pain but focused on the purpose.
Self-pity asks, “Why me?” Faith asks, “Lord, what now?” One leaves us stuck in yesterday. The other helps us walk forward into tomorrow.