My beautiful and wise grandmother used to tell me, “If you frown too much, your face will get stuck like that.”
As a kid, I thought that sounded ridiculous.
The older I get, the more I think she was onto something.
The Bible says something very similar. In the old King James Version, Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
Psalm 142 takes us back to one of the darkest seasons of David’s life. If you’ve been with us on Sunday mornings at Siloam, we’ve been walking through David’s years on the run from Saul. Instead of enjoying the prime years of his life as Israel’s future king, David is hiding in caves, surrounded by men who are distressed, in debt, and discouraged.
In that cave David says,
“I cry out to the Lord… I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my trouble… When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn.” (Psalm 142:1–3, NLT)
Notice that David complains.
He doesn’t pretend everything is okay.
He doesn’t bottle up his emotions.
He pours out his complaints.
The question is not whether we complain.
The question is who we complain to.
Some people complain to everyone.
I’ve had people in my life whom I honestly tried to avoid—not because I didn’t care about them, but because every conversation became a list of everything wrong in their lives. Every inconvenience became a major crisis. Every frustration became someone else’s fault.
After spending time with them, I found myself complaining more too.
Complaining has a way of multiplying itself.
It reinforces our fears.
It strengthens our worries.
It fuels our anger.
It doesn’t usually change our circumstances, but it certainly shapes our perspective. If all we ever rehearse is what is wrong, eventually that’s all we’ll see. We become people who expect disappointment, notice negativity, and carry frustration wherever we go.
In a sense, my grandma was right.
If you “frown” long enough, your heart can get stuck there.
Now, that doesn’t mean we should never talk about our problems. God has placed wise people in our lives for that very reason.
Proverbs 13:20 reminds us:
“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.”
Complainers tend to attract complainers, almost like moths to a porch light.
But wise friends are different.
A wise friend will listen with compassion, but they won’t leave you in your complaint.
They’ll ask,
“How can we trust the Lord here?”
“What does Scripture say about this?”
“How should we respond?”
They don’t simply reinforce your frustration by saying, “I’d be angry too,” or, “I’d never forgive them,” or, “You’re right—they’re awful.”
They point you back to Christ.
That’s exactly what David does. He pours out every complaint to the Lord, but he doesn’t stay there.
The psalm begins with complaint, but it ends with hope.
David prays,
“Bring me out of prison so I can thank you. The godly will crowd around me, for you are good to me.” (Psalm 142:7, NLT)
His circumstances hadn’t changed yet.
But his direction had.
He took his complaints to the One who could actually do something about them.
Don’t pretend your struggles aren’t real. Don’t bottle up your frustrations.
But before you complain to everyone else, pour out your heart to the Lord. Then seek out the kind of friends who love you enough to point you toward God’s grace instead of keeping you stuck in your discouragement.